“A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.” -Proverbs 11:13
Have you ever wondered what's the difference between gossiping and confiding? If I have a problem with A, and I share it to B, is that gossiping? Or confiding?
You see, my whole life I have been trying to work out what gossiping really is. And I thank God that He finally revealed the answer to me when I came to Australia.
When I was young I used to think that gossip is all about "spreading fake rumours". If you check the dictionary, it will tell you this.
So I gave myself the right to say what I want about others, what I feel about others, as long as it's true. No, not because I enjoy doing it or to make myself feel good, but because I love truth and love speaking the truth. I was just being very transparent in my thoughts and actions. So I just shared them without thinking who I was sharing it to, where I was sharing it etc. Was I gossiping? YES. *What a joke, doing something I actually hate without realising. I was a hypocrite all these years, yet I used to condemn hypocrites*
In 2009, Pr Ashley preached about this topic. He said "Gossip means saying something about others behind their back, EVEN IF IT'S TRUE." *Ouch, that was like a tight slap on my face*
After that message, I understood gossip as "talking bad about others, even if it's true." Thus, I stop sharing my thoughts, my relationship struggles, my conflict problems with anyone because I didn't wanna gossip. As someone that always claims he hates gossip, I really did not want to be a hypocrite again.
Did I do the right thing? NO. I was actually suffering inside, felt like I was dying. *And I'm sure you know that feeling*
Couldn't tahan anymore, I spoke to my LG leader. I remember he said "WHY ARE YOU TORMENTING YOURSELF LIKE THIS?!?Why didn't you tell me earlier?I am always here to help you!" I said "Because I didn't wanna gossip about others." Lol. He told me "What your doing now is confiding, not gossiping."
That was like a breakthrough for me and I finally understood the difference between gossiping and confiding.
Here's the difference:
-often gossip to kill time (too free, too bored).
-have the goal of building themselves up by making others look bad by sharing their weaknesses, faults, private information etc.
-share the information with anyone/all their friends, often in a group and publicly via facebook, blog etc.-gossip because they love it.
-confide because there is a relationship problem (housemates, friends, family etc) they are struggling with.
-have the intention of resolving the problem by seeking advice.
-only share the information with someone they are accountable to (leaders, close family members, best/close friends), and they usually do it 1 on 1 or in a private manner.
-confide because it's necessary.
Sometimes, there are situations where we want to warn out friends about a particular person. Say....A is very hamsap (means pervert in cantonese). And I know about it. I have a duty/responsibility to warn my friend about A, if she doesn't know that. So what do I say? Just say what is necessary.
Basically, just try to tell her that she should be more careful because A is known to be a hamsap, by revealing his past actions/behaviour as little as possible!
"29 They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are GOSSIPS,..." -Romans 1:29
Gossiping is evil in God's eyes. Fact.
I am not perfect, and I'm still learning. But that doesn't change the fact that I love truth, and I hate gossips.
Just wanna end this post with this beautiful song. Thank you Lord, for always teaching and guiding me. Make me Your sanctuary, and keep me from evil, always.
I hope you have been blessed by this post :)